I hate horror movies. Let me rephrase it, I loathe this genre from the bottom of my heart! In my entire life I don’t know if I’ve watched about 3 or 4 of them, or even less than that if I give it a second thought. My entire childhood was haunted so badly by Spielberg’s Jaws and Scott’s Alien that even today I’m still scared to dive deep in mid seas, and I often dream that a creature will suddenly pop out of my stomach. And for Christ sake, these movies are technically labeled as thrillers! By today’s standards these are motion pictures for toddlers. Holly cow! To me “Dexter” is a horror tv series, and there’s nothing you could say to me that could change my mind, I’ve no doubt ’bout it. I’ve often asked myself why one sane person would voluntarily and gratuitously expose himself to a string of highly unpleasant butt cringing emotions when life is doing such a great job at carpet bombing his ass with by far more realistic horrors on an every day basis? Why, people, why? Texas Chainsaw? Really? Nightmare on Elm Street? Why? Chucky? Ay, mierda! What kind of nutcase freaks are you? You want true horror? Open your latest mortgage instalment, phone, gas and electricity bills and then check your account balance. Your heart is racing right now, ins’t it? Ya bet, your soggy ass it’s pounding like a 18 wheeler diesel engine freshly ignited in a winter morning in Canada! Glancing at your unpaid stack of bills now you’re praying for a Zombie apocalipse or for a meteorite to fall to put an end to your misery. Speaking of zombie apocalipse… yesterday evening, as I was reviewing some of my unpublished posts stashed away on my blog, I found a picture which I took last year mid lockdown in Casablanca. Not far away from our home somebody had sprayed “World War Z” on a brick wall and I absolutely adored it because I’ve had exactly the same feeling about the world’s state of affairs. The paranoia surrounding the Covid 19 subject, the desperation, the hatred towards the sceptics, everything it sounded bonkers to me. I’m sure you’ve heard countless times the term “patient zero”, especially in some of the Hollywood blockbusters such as Contagion, World War Z, Resident Evil, Alien or Cabin Fever etc… Patient Zero is used in epidemiology and the term applies to infectious diseases that spread from human to human and it primarily describes the first person who brings a disease into a group of people. First recorded epidemic outbreak occured in prehistoric China about 5000 years ago and it wiped out an entire village. The irony makes that the latest outbreak begun its journey also in China. Yeah, nice one, China! Keep up with the good work! Sandwiched between these two major tragedies, history had thoroughly recorded countless of other flesh eating, blood sucking, stomach aching, eyes popping, bone grinding, hair losing, cock blocking, pussy drying global tragedies which altogether had wiped out millions and millions of us. I agreed with the anonymous artist, to me it also felt like I’ve been hit ruthlessly by an insane zombie apocalipse but I wasn’t thinking at any of the classic viruses, nor at Covid 19. To me it wasn’t either about ebola, nor bird flu, swine flu, influenza, polio, plague, AIDS, or you name it, in my mind it was as clear as a blue sky in June that the true pandemic the world was facing was the spread of the Big D… No, not death, come on!… It’s the Divorce!

The Divorce influenza somehow weaseled away from the viruses panel and it seemed to me that nobody is doing anything about it. It’s completely ignored although it is mercilessly rampaging entire families obliterating them light-speed fast and as we speak at an alarming and unprecedented scale. The Covid lockdown definitely didn’t work at all, it boosted the infectious rate. UN doesn’t give a shit about it, World Health Organization doesn’t give a flying fuck, we have no antibodies and no one came up with a vaccine for it. Can’t wear a mask to prevent its inhalation nor a condom. You have no protection what so ever other than perhaps a very good lawyer and a bulletproof prenup. You’re minding your business, “honey, I’m home!”… and in your living room is Nancy, your wife’s BFF (incidentally an asymptomatic carrier because he/zers/their/them/whachamacallit/she’s single). Nancy tells your wife a story about a common friend who’s getting a divorce “did you hear what happened to Pam?”… Here and there, bam! it bit her unsuspecting ass and it turned her into a zombie right there, on your white posh sofa. Butch, your chihuahua, jumps three feet in the air scared of what just happened and lands into a cup of tea. Inside each couple engaged in a divorce there is a zombie and a patient zero. Patient zero is always married. The zombie bites his partner, it takes his house, his kids, an alimony, the dog, the car and half of the rest of his shit turning him into a homeless and broke lame ass Patient Zero. The Patient Zero is bitter, he bites his kids by telling them how a shit of a zombie is their mother/father who’s a slut/man-whore, the kids turn into ideal Patients for therapy later in their lives, Patient zero meets someone else, bites his/her ass and that someone is turned into Patient Secondary, Patient Secondary bites the Tertiary and so on and on, the infectious disease spreads from one person to another in a geometrical progression and everybody is turned eventually into a shitty ass confused zombie proud owner of 12 cats. Faced with this alarming situation of course we’re getting paranoid whenever someone pops the question with a ring in a small box. Who the fuck wants to be the next Patient Zero? Better a lonely asymptomatic than a patient zero. One emotional zombie’s indecision and temporary bad judgement is seeding his Osho inspired Facebook Life Inspirational/Aspirational toilet Philosophy into the person next to him and the person next to him is spreading it into another and so goes infinitely until we’re all turned into freaking delusional independent alcoholic zombies. So Covid Omicron, fuck off, there’s something even deadlier than you. Why don’t you take your fake vaccines, your fucking river polluting masks, your bullshit disinfectant sprays with you and why won’t you just bite me?

Planet Floreasca